Depression is an insidious thing, and so many people, including myself, suffer from it.  I pray for you to feel better soon, but you do need to take time to grieve now.  Don't let anyone try to tell you there's something wrong with you for needing time alone or being depressed.  It is a natural response to a world that is too big and nasty to cope with sometimes.

Love,

Minty.

Every now and then, we need to stop and evaluate our lives, and our friends.  Some people are meant to be in our lives for only a season, or for just a reason.  Not everybody is going to be there for a lifetime. 

I have had to cut back on some friends in recent months, for various reasons.  We need to decide what is most important and leave the rest, because we are only human and we can't do it all.

Hibernation is okay.  It is natural to want to hide away from people when the world becomes too intolerable.  I have just done this, since my family dragged me out of the closet and exposed my bisexuality.  When they find out all your crap, that's when you find out who your real family and friends are.  You need to lick your wounds, rest and regenerate, and then, in your own time, you will feel strong enough and bright-eyed enough to come out of your cave and face the world.  Allow yourself time to grieve, and love yourself all through it.

Men DO seem to have one set of rules for women and another for themselves.  My Hubby is a great man, but he is not without his flaws, and, every now and then, a power play will surface. 

I used to yield to these power plays, out of fear of losing him, but not any more.  Men can't seem to see that they have faults too.  They don't WANT to see it.  Some men are humble, but others have real problems and insecurities, and, unlike women, they are not interested in growing and improving themselves as people.  They are more geared towards how they appear to others: do they have the right job?  Are they earning enough?  Is their family happy, well-fed and thriving?  Are they sexually attractive?

Women care much more about relationships than men, and we care about improving ourselves and becoming better people, so that our relationships will be better. 

Men are the providers, and therefore, if they are out of work, or they don't have job satisfaction, or even if they don't feel that they are virile enough, their whole world is upset.

Don't ever let a man get away with mental abuse: telling you you are always the problem, and that you are the one to blame in all things.  We all know that it takes two to mess up a relationship.  Make sure he accepts the blame for his own foolish actions.

Beware of giving your heart and body to any man who isn't totally devoted to you, and who you don't see as a life partner, Darl.  It is a destructive path, and it can only lead to heartache.

Often it is helpful to make a written list of the pros and cons of a relationship.  It will help you to see whether or not you want that relationship for the rest of your life, if you don't already know.  Don't allow yourself to be blinded to the things you know in your heart of hearts you simply cannot live with.  If things drive you crazy now, they will torture you without end when you are married.

I don't mean to hurt you with any of these words, but, now that I am fifty, and that I have thirty years of heartache behind me, I feel I am able to offer some helpful advice.  Of course, every situation, and every relationship is different, but it is essential that you get it sorted in your own mind, what you can live with and what you can't; what you must have and what you can live without.  Knowing yourself is key to finding happiness.

Love and hugs,

Minty.

Sounds like you had a hectic weekend.  Sorry the hairdresser made a mess of your hair.  It happens sometimes.

*hugs,

Minty.

randum search from home page is all..  :)

sounds pretty ..

 my 30th was my best yr, and its all fine after that too.{For so long I heard , ''ughgh 30, its all bad after that .. i hated when i turned 30.. ''', blah , blah , blah ..} not true!!

now every yr helps having my lil 5 yr old here.. but   remember( and being a Christian , you probably already do) its just a number.. stay happy.& have a wonderful b'day ..

~me

[dissapointedwife]

[Trials n Temptations]

I have a question: Why is your birthdate 4-11-2000? That would make you only 7 years old....Thanks and same to you as well, I hope your days get better.

Chad

Thanks for the comment, I have to go now but I'll be back. Take Care.

Chad

LOL. i added you to my faves by the way.

Guys think that since we are moms we are soposed to be perfect. My ex used to yell at me for the stupidest sh*t when it came to our daughter, that i didnt even mean to do.

Im sorry!! Everyone makes mistakes so he just needs to calm down...it shouldnt be that big of a problem...Im sorry this happened to you...

[runnerbelle]

My mother, after 40 years, still has a way of making me think everything I do is wrong. Or frowned upon.  I finally gave up and decided to live MY life.     It is hard bringing a new man around in your daughters life.  They always seem to know more of what is going on than you think they do. At least mine did!    Sometimes you just have to make yourself happy!     Thanks for all of the support!   Hope you have a better day!

Thanks for the comment. You're probably right. I just needed to get away from that messed up girl. Why are all smokin' hot girls like you so messed up?  Sorry, I couldn't resist.

You know, the funny thing is that, now nine months later, they still haven't replaced me and just started another recruitment to try to replace me again. I couldn't resist applying just to see what their reaction will be and if doing so will throw a wrench into their plans. Ain't I a stinker!

Sounds like he wants to take the relationship to the next level.

If you've seen the Tag body spray commercial, the man who sprays it on himself has all of the women in the store flock to him and tackle him because he's so attractive now that he is wearing Tag. That's the image that came to mind with your last comment. Put on the magic spray, and the guys can't help but tackle you.

As far as what you do next with W, that's up to you. However, I wouldn't tell him there is no way that you will have a future together. You've already told him that you don't see it progressing as more than friends, and it sounds like he just blew it off like he didn't want to hear it. Since you've already told him, there's no need to tell him again. And, if he does get hurt in the end, it's not your fault because you didn't lead him on.

Maybe you're right about being a guy's girl. I know the one thing that drives me up the wall about women is that they aren't honest with me. It's okay if you hate my guts, but TELL ME!!! Don't keep it a secret just to "be nice", because that's not being nice at all. So, I think you're right that guys do appreciate you being down to earth and honest with them.

I don't think you should go. If you're not interested and he clearly is interested in you, then you are just leading him on and setting him up for heartbreak. At least, that's my opinion.

As far as your ex is concerned, if he won't pay you the money he owes you or even the tax penalty that he alone owes, there's NO WAY he's paying for a lawyer to fight the divorce. From what you've written about him here, I don't think you can believe anything he says.

Funny how your ex wants you to pay your share of the 401k, when you don't owe anything to begin with, while he won't even respond to your demand that he pays the $512 he already owes you! I think, if I were you, I would lead him on, like I expect to pay a portion of the 401k penalty, and use that against him to get him to pay the $512 he owes you. Then, AFTER you get the money from him, tell him that you don't owe a dime of the 401k penalty. Because, if you tell him about not owing anything on the 401k penalty first, your slim chance of getting him to pay you the money he owes you is out the window without taking him to court.

That's funny about that guy who is "interested" in you. Sounds like he feigns interest to get free drinks from girls. Boy, is he in for a shock this Saturday!  I can't wait to hear how it goes.

You're right about J. He has proven over time that he will make things as difficult as possible on you and make you pay for as much as he can. At least you are getting him out of your life so that he won't be a liability to you any more.

It sounds like you had a wonderful weekend, and no barf stories.  Glad to hear it.

Damn!!..

U GO GURL!!
HIGH FIVE TO U!!..
I WAAS HELLA SMILIN N MY HEAD READIN THIS!

I WAS LIKE..
U DAMN RIGHT.. SHE SURE IZ A BAD*ASS!!

Way to go with the whole divorce thing. 

I've met so many women whose husbands have cheated on them, but they've just forgiven them (every time). 

You're one of the few I've heard of that can actually stand up and say, "f*** you."  lol.

Hope everything works out.

so uh.. i guess that lady is the one you were talkn bout with the cell number?

You should totally keep me updated. i'm dying of curiosity now

you shouold call her just to feed my curiosity. LOL

I'd totally go to a payphone and strike up a convo, pretending your someone random and think ur talkn to someone else.

But i'm spiteful like that. I think its smarter to just leave well enough alone and cancel the phone. Just my opinion

I'll be praying for you that God will make it clear what you should do and provide a way for you to get toward that goal. But, I know what you mean. I feel the same way. I do think I'll move back to southern California before I do anything else. But, how do I do this? Most places won't rent an apartment to me unless I have a job first. But, I've got to move down there before I can get a job. Then, I'd like to go back to Bible college and finish up the degree program there. After that, who knows? But, I feel like I'm stuck and can't really move yet. I figure I'll stay here at least through May. That way, I'll have my six months in as an accountant, finish my psychology class, and run the Avenue of the Giants marathon up here.

That's great that you want a reminder to think about God! I think a fish is better too. Not only for design but because the cross symbol is so overused that it has lost most of its meaning. But, just be sure on what you want before you actually get it. Personally, I couldn't even think of getting a tattoo. Then again, I'm not a wild and crazy person like you are.

I'm glad to hear that you and your daughter had fun at the game.

She actually had you e-mail the president to bring something special?!?! If I were you, I would just stay out of those potlucks altogether in the future. Then again, that IS what I did at my previous job, so, I guess you already knew I would say that.

So, the way you pick up men is to get them drunk and take advantage of them. That is SO like a woman! So, now I know your secret to picking up those quality men you end up divorcing. Way to go there! Of course, I'm just joshing you.

Oh my, princess, you sure have had it rough lately. Problems with the ex, stomach illness, gray hairs, now more gray hairs and swelling. I hope things return to "normal" for you soon.

People are funny, aren't they? That woman sounds like one of the women I used to work with. She was always SO concerned about the potluck turning out exactly how she wanted it to, but she wouldn't bring anything herself. She would just go around to other people to try to convince them to bring what she wanted to eat. Crazy! Good for you in sticking to your guns and not bringing the finger sandwiches.

Have fun with your daughter at the Globetrotters tomorrow. I bought two tickets for my dad and I to go a couple of years ago. I know it's for kids, but I had never seen them in person and thought it would be neat. I felt bad for the Washington Generals because no one would cheer for them when they made a basket, and the Globetrotters were mean to them in trying to get them to miss. Yeah, I know it's all an act. But still, they shouldn't be teaching the kids not to be nice to their opponents. So, I started cheering for the Generals and booing the Globetrotters. I kept saying how the Generals were going to come from behind, and how they were "due" to win. You should have seen the looks I got from the kids. Anyway, that made it fun for me.

I hope your other hairs heard you curse out the gray one so that they will know not to make the same mistake it did.

Food stuff at work never has worked out for me. But, that may be because I'm a guy and I've always worked with mostly women, and they each seem to have a different concept as to how these potlucks work.

I don't cook, but I've tried to get along and participate in the past by bringing something in. But, usually whatever I brought in wasn't appreciated because it wasn't home made. And, I would get women complaining about me taking some of the food even though I participated. So, I stopped getting involved altogether. Then, a couple women felt sorry for me and would invite me to come over and get some food even though I didn't bring anything. Then, some other women would come up and really complain about me taking food, even though the person who invited me was practically putting the food on the plate for me because I was very apprehensive about getting anything. So, you know what? I don't do a thing about it now. Sure, some woman will come over to my cubicle to invite me to the latest food gathering, I'll decline, then I'll get a lecture about how I need to be more sociable. I'll just agree with her but stay in my cubicle. Then, sometimes, someone will bring me a plate of food, and I'll thank them and eat it as fast as I can so that no one else sees it and complains. So, I say forget it. It's not worth it. I'll just buy my own food to eat during lunch rather than spending money on all of those complainers. 

Now there you go again. Trying to make me think your work is slower and more boring than mine. Please! You don't know who you're up against!

Your story is TOO funny! Of course, you know what this means, don't you? It means that your daughter is going to grow up to be a porn star. Just kidding, just kidding. By the way, that sounds like quite an elaborate plot for a porn movie. I didn't think those had stories. I thought they just, you know, got down to business. I bet you're the only one who has watched that movie with the blanket being the thing that stands out about it.

Regarding the marathon, they do hand out water every mile or so and gatorade every two or three miles while you're running the marathon. They would never hand out soda because belching while trying to run is not good. But, they'll take pretty much anyone to be a sponsor as long as they "show them da money." Honda sponsors the LA Marathon, and I have several shirts with "HONDA" in big letters on the back. Shortly after I moved north, I was jogging in town with one of those shirts on, and a guy stopped me, asking if I was a professional runner. I told him, "No." He then said that the reason he asked was because he thought Honda had paid me to run and advertise them. It was flattering to think someone thought I was running fast enough to be deemed a professional, even if it was a farmer who had probably never seen a marathon in his life.

You know, I've never tried Coke Zero. A couple of years ago, I ran the Rock 'N Roll Marathon in San Diego. Since Coke Zero was the main sponsor of it, they PROMISED all marathon finishers a Coke Zero when they were done. That marathon took me about 6 hours and 15 minutes. For the last two hours, I think I was almost literally drooling, looking forward to that Coke Zero. (After running that long, I'd drink almost anything that's wet.) In the last half mile, I saw people on the sidelines that had already finished the marathon. They had their finisher's medals around their necks, and they were enjoying a bottle of Coke Zero. I could really taste it now. So, I finally get across the finish line, and I'm walking, or should I say, limping all around to try to find the Coke Zero table. I finally asked one of the volunteers. "Oh, we just ran out 10 minutes ago," she said. "WHAT!!!" Well, I would have stood there and argued with the poor kid who was cleaning up trash, about how I was promised a Coke Zero and I demand delivery of one, but I just didn't have enough energy to argue. So, I slinked away to the 45-minute line to take the shuttle back to my car. To this day, I have not bought a Coke Zero. I guess I'm still waiting for the one that I earned!!! That reminds me, in the event packet that everyone gets the day before the marathon, there was a big Coke Zero advertisment, where they showed a shortcut so that you only have to run 2 miles, instead of 26.2 miles, to get your refreshing Coke Zero. Then, in big letters below, they wrote that taking said shortcut would disqualify you from the race. I thought that was funny.

Those shelters are terrible. Next thing you know, they'll be attaching pictures of dogs on the executing table to try to shock you into adopting one. Sorry for the visual image there.

Sorry to hear about the lingering stomachache. It's understandable, since you've been going through a lot emotionally. I hope you feel better soon.

Sounds like your daughter takes after you, personality wise. I think that's a good thing.

Well, hope the rest of your day goes well.

when i start reading ur diary and u being always on craigslist. I checked it out and now i check craigslist maybe 6 times a day..I guess i am hooked on it too..yes, its sad killing dogs. I mean i am scared of dogs but still against killing them!! if no one adopt them, they get kill or something?

thatt IS sad...
i dont thiink they should kill the dogz.. thas so cruel!..
even tho i am so damn afraaid of dogz!!.. well only the one that bark n growl n stuff!!..
buhh wow.. that would be awesome..
u should so open ur own pet rescue business!!..
really u should look into that!!

well im sorry that ur depressed n have a headache..
hope u feel better!

*Dee*

Nuking a one-month old in a microwave? That's crazy!!! I may not be the most sane person in the world, but at least I wouldn't do something like that!!!

Your job more boring than mine? PLEASE!!! You make me laugh. You call tax returns boring? Filling out a form like that would be better than going through all this spreadsheet data I sort through every day. I was supposed to be giving a presentation this morning. Then, they decided it wasn't important enough. So, I'm staying at my desk all day. Great! I don't know why they have me going through all this minutia when they don't even do anything with my final product!

Oh well. It's funny that we're arguing over who has the more boring job.

Thanks so much for your encouraging comment. I think we're both in the stage of learning to let God lead. Then again, what Christian isn't!

Sorry to hear about getting sick at the game and the embarrasing moment in the train. At least you had some fun at the game, it sounds like. I don't have any brothers or sisters, but I'm positive I wouldn't have left you. Rather, I would have been standing between you and the crowd so that others wouldn't be able to see you. But, it's easy for me to say that here when I'm not actually in the situation.

I hope you have a good day at work today. "Good" meaning less boring than my day. Of course, that's not hard to do. 

I agree. The story doesn't add up. My wallet is ALWAYS in one of two places:  1) My pocket, or 2) My dresser drawer when I'm at home. I have never in my life left my wallet in a vehicle. Then again, your soon-to-be ex seems to have some problems. So, who knows what he was thinking. Still, I think your story makes more sense, that he simply misplaced his wallet. I think he's just trying to get your attention to win you back somehow, especially with the story about helping some girl out. Makes him sound like a nice guy.

Sorry to hear that you have to work today and that you still have a headache. I still think it's stress related. Hopefully, you don't hold onto things like I do and keep letting them bother you for months on end. It does sound like you're moving along and getting your life back together pretty well.

Have fun at the basketball game tonight and good luck with selling the table. My local newspaper has free classified ads available for people selling things under $100. You might want to check your paper. It wouldn't hurt listing the table there if it doesn't cost you anything.

So...well...I'm sorry if he was actually robbed...but, as to the comment below, some dumbass leaving his truck open in a gas station at night isn't really comperable to getting a gun in your face, right?

Odd comparison.

Anyway, I hope this divorce goes well...as well as any divorce can go. You seem to be calm and healthy. And I hope you manage to sell your table withou havign to drop teh price anymore. That would suck--especially if you need the cash, you know?

Good luck.

Yep, I have some funny things happen in my life. I think I'm more interested in learning about the crazies, too. But, we'll see after this class. If that's the case, maybe I can pursue a psychology degree with a minor in Looney studies. If they've got a minor in queer studies, they certainly should have a minor in Nutjobs.

How was The Moment of Truth last night? I saw the previews for it and wanted to check it out. Was it any good?

I don't mean to brag, but I'm WAY more bored than you are at work. I work on spreadsheets all day, going through tens of thousands of fields in the database. Then, I draw conclusions as to why revenues are down, and come up with presentations explaining them. My work is praised; I'm the big hero. Then, later on I ask, "So has a plan been developed on how to take care of declining penetration rates?" "Oh, they decided not to do anything about it, but they loved your presentation." Oh okay. So, I look at numbers all day until I'm cross-eyed for nothing. What's the point! I feel like I'm going through tons of minutia all day for nothing. I might as well just screw around on the Internet. Oh wait, I do that too.

At least you get to go outside and have people make up cool names for you like "stupid ugly big red". That is so endearing. Okay, I'm kidding around. Your entry made me laugh though because work is super slow for me most of the time, too.

Yes, I can imagine some office episode made with Eskimo Randy over there with his window wide open with 20 degree wind coming in and he's sweating. Then, the camera pans one cubicle over and I'm sitting here with four layers of clothes on, my toboggan, and my hands are still freezing.

Anyway, I hope your day isn't more boring than mine, but that's not saying much. At least I got my psychology class to look forward to tonight. I hope there's not a bunch of group work in there or else I won't take the class. No, I don't want to be in a group of four people, have two people not do a thing, and work with one other person who is willing to help but is dumber than a door nail. I endured enough of that already to get my degree. Now that I've got that piece of paper, those days are OVER!

Wow! Your story about getting fired sounds very similar to mine. I worked for seven years in government and also saw myself staying there for years to come. I did nothing wrong, but I wasn’t part of the “new regime”, and management wanted to bring in “one of their own”. So, they hired an attorney who looked through all e-mails and phone conversations I had had at work for the month prior, found a few things they didn’t like, and used those as justification to escort me out of the building never to return. Those things they found were nothing. I did nothing wrong. The funny thing is that they hired a new boss for me. She couldn’t handle the job, which is why they got rid of me so that they could give me her job. I heard that she couldn’t handle that either and has left. Now, they’re up the creek without a paddle. SERVES THEM RIGHT!!!

I’m just surprised to find someone who was fired for no good reason like me. I also feel lost as to what to do. I’m starting a psychology class at a local community college tomorrow night. I’ve got a master’s in business but never took a psychology class. I just think it would be interesting. We’ll see.

The NIV is the most popular version of the Bible today. I’ve been writing a Bible commentary for the last three years, and I base it on the NIV, even though the KJV is my favorite. There are many times in the commentary where I point out how the NIV is wrong in a certain passage. That’s why I didn’t recommend it to you. Still, I would say that it is at least 98-99% accurate, and, if your career search does not include becoming a Biblical scholar, you’ll be just fine with that translation. I just find it funny how you'll be reading the NIV and they skip verses some times. It's like, why do you have verse 26, then you go right to verse 28. What happened to 27? Didn't like that verse, huh? They do that on purpose, by the way, but that's another story. You don't want me going on for pages comparing Bible translations.

Blueletterbible.org is a great website. They have many versions of the Bible you can read on-line along with devotionals and other neat things. If you go there, try reading the NLT translation. I think you'll like it. And, if I may make another suggestion, read Ephesians as the first book of the Bible that you read. It's short (six chapters) and is totally applicable for today.

Thanks for the comment. It’s nice to know of someone who is going through something similar to me with work in the past and now.

I was pretty disappointed in the Packers, too. Those two missed field goals in the fourth quarter gave Green Bay the perfect opportunity to win it before going to overtime. When Brett threw that interception right away in OT, I knew it was over. I just couldn't watch any more after that. Oh well, it was still a good year.

I'm an accountant and I can tell you that, if you're in A/R, getting your accounting/business degree is going to be similar to what you do now, just at a higher level. So, if you don't care for your job, it wouldn't be something to pursue.

An AA degree is usually not in a particular field. Usually you get it in general education, then transfer to a four-year university to take your core courses. But, if you have taken teaching related courses, that's a different story.

I have a friend who is a teacher, and he says that it is A LOT of work. He didn't realize how much out of classroom work there is. If you're looking to make good money and still spend time with your daughter, I don't think teaching would be good. True, you'd be home when she is, but you'd also be grading papers, preparing lesson plans, etc. My friend says that, if he had to do it all over again, he would become a school counselor. And, if you talk to a counselor at the college, you can certainly ask the counselor for his/her opinion since he/she did that him/herself.

And, in case you're wondering, if I had it to do over again, I would not be an accountant. Of course, if you've read my diary about how incredibly boring my job is, you probably already know that.

My advice is to find something you like and go for it. Otherwise, you'll probably be looking for another career some time down the road.

Sounds like you're feeling much better today and survived working with all of the greasy chicken and customers last night. I'm glad to hear that.

Congrats on losing three pounds and going to the gym on the elliptical trainer. I'm sure you'll reach your goal of being under 140 if you keep at it. Thanks for your encouragement about my running. My legs are pretty sore today after running 15 milers both yesterday and on Saturday. But, hopefully, that gives me a better time in the marathon one week from Sunday.

Good for you in taking the step to file today. Yes, there is a HUGE contrast between a wedding and a divorce. A few months ago, I was a groomsman in my friend's wedding. I drove 300 miles roundtrip after work just to pick up the tux. Then, I rented a car and drove 1,400 miles roundtrip in the matter of a weekend and was there for the wedding and reception afterward. Of course, I was just a groomsman. The bride and her parents spent a couple of months and thousands of dollars planning for the whole thing. I think they are a great couple and will stay together for life. However, if there is a divorce, I'm sure I wouldn't be renting a tux, renting a car, and driving 1,400 miles to see my friend stand in front of a court clerk and stamp his papers. It is amazing how impersonal a divorce is to the people who deal with the papers at the court every single day.

I will be praying for you that God will give you the strength to appear before a judge and read your statement. I'm proud of you for taking today's step. I know it wasn't easy, but I know that God will help you get through the step of standing before the judge as well. God bless you.

That's good you can file without him signing. I hope it works out so that it's all taken care of and behind you by your birthday. Then, it can be a double celebration.

Sorry to hear about your trouble in paradise.  Sounds like you guys need to have a serious heart to heart.  Money and sex are two reasons that couples fight but hey, all couples fight right? 

P.S. Try not to listen to people who think they know everything, most times they don't.

That "bush baby" creeped me the hell out. I'm going to have nightmares for the rest of the season.

gwd. guys are retarded sometimes no offense to ur hubby lol.

ttyl

aliic

well bitch if you dont like thare yellowing / blackend,may-be even missing teeth and the cost of things that may or may not be.

try this c**t stay the f*** home!!!!!

now thats a tought!